Money will buy money’s worth.
– Thomas Carlyle
As my eyes flutter open, the dawn light blurring the lines between reality and dreams, I immediately feel the weight of the emptiness on me. It is a good day, a good bed, a good place. And yet as I lay down to sleep, I cannot rest.
I wake up, wash my face, and look into the mirror, not knowing whether it’s water or tears running down my face. But I wipe it all away, hoping to wash my thoughts clean too. Its good food, good toast, a good setting. And yet, as I sit down to eat, I cannot digest. I look around. It’s a good room, a good desk, a good space. And yet as I settle down, I just survive, I cannot thrive.
Because at what cost do all these comforts come?
The sun goes slowly down as I lay awake but not aware. Thinking, thinking…what else awaits me. The cost of that corners me into the darkest depths of anxiety. As dark as the surroundings, as dusty as those under-the-bed monsters, as dirty as the deepest fears which creep up on you on lonesome nights.
And yet as I come away from that night before to the next morning in a clean, lit, and fancy place, I still cannot come back to what I was. Because in that moment, you realize that money can buy a lot of things, but it can’t buy you your peace of mind.
So then what is your money worth? Nothing.
